Gotta Have It!

This is sort of a spin-off of my last post, So Over-rated.


Here is a list of things that I absolutely totally love, where others might not.


1.  Reality TV.  I'm such a sucker.  I LOVE Biggest Loser, Teen Mom, The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing/Skating With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, and some others. 


2.  Soap Operas.  Well, really Soap Opera in my case.  I'm not one of those that watches them from morning until afternoon ;)  But I absolutely love General Hospital.  I didn't even know it existed until Eric's mother introduced it to me, but I've been hooked ever since.  <3  Never miss a day! 


3.  My collections.  A couple years ago a friend got me to join a website where you can join all kinds of swaps.  One of the first ones I noticed was a postcard swap.  It sounded interesting, so I joined.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been hooked ever since ;)  See a pattern here?  haha.  But really though, I love it.  Getting postcards allows me to see places that I might never get to see otherwise.  Who knows when/if we'll have money to travel the world.  So why not travel through postcards in the meantime?  I've now expanded into souvenirs (especially magnets - my fridge is covered!) and foreign coins. 


4.  Soda.  I've heard of people going so far as to not even allow soda to enter their house, but I gotta have it!  I am addicted to Pepsi.  I know it's bad for me but I just can't quit drinking it.  Hey, there are worse things to be addicted to, right?  ;) 


Speaking of addicting things, that brings me to


5.  Facebook.  Oh..my..gosh, what in the world happened to me?  I used to be a total myspace freak.  But then everyone left and joined facebook.  So I thought, why not?  Let's see what all the hype is about.  Ahhh!!!  Now I'm on there several times a day.  I check it from my phone.  It's ridiculous, LOL.  But I can't stay away from it :P

So over-rated

A few of my friends have done this so I thought I'd follow :)

Here is my list of over-rated things.  Others love 'em.  I just don't see the big deal.


1.  Starbucks.  I just don't get it.  At all.  But maybe that's just because I can't stand coffee?  ;)

2.  Justin Bieber.  Seriously?  That's all I have to say about that.  :)

3.  Big fancy cars.  Again, seriously?  I see 2010 or 2011 something something xyz123's all over the place.  I'm perfectly happy with my 1998 Ford Windstar.  As long as it gets me from A to B, I don't really care about anything else. 

4.  Expensive children's clothing.  What the heck is the point?!  Someone *please* tell me.  They are only going to wear them for what, a couple months?  Why not buy from Wal-Mart or a consignment store and use the money you'll be saving on something else?  :) 

5.  Blu-Ray.  I'm perfectly happy with my regular DVD's and VHS tapes, thank you :)  Although with the way technology is, everything will probably be blu-ray eventually anyway :-/ 

That's all I can think of right now, but if I come up with any more I'll come back and edit

The friendship that can cease has never been real

I really like that quote.  It is so true. 

If someone is your friend, they will be your friend and be there for you no.matter.what!  They won't end their friendship with you over something absolutely stupid. 

I have seen so much childish, needs-to-go-back-to-middle-school drama lately that it literally makes me sick. 

Some people really just need to grow up and act their age. 

:)

That is all.

My Dirty Little Secrets

A friend of mine did this and I thought it looked pretty fun, so I thought I'd give it a whirl also!

Here is a list of my "dirty little secrets"  ;)

**I have a major addiction to collecting postcards, souvenir fridge magnets, and foreign coins**

**I sometimes give in to Logan just so I won't have to listen to him pitch a fit**

**I have a major crush on Patrick Dempsey ;)**

**My kids cannot stand water and I don't make them drink it most of the time**

**I cry like a baby during kids movies**

**Every once in a while I look up *NSync and Backstreet Boys songs and re-live my teen years**

**The only concerts I have ever been to were *NSync and Backstreet Boys when I was a teenager** 

**I usually do a "quick clean" of the house when we have people coming over:  quick sweep of the floors, wash dishes, and go hide any extra clutter in my room LOL**

**I've never seen some pretty popular movies, like Dirty Dancing**

**I love watching reality shows and the soap General Hospital**

**My money has to be facing a certain way.  If it's not, it bothers me until I fix it**

**I would go absolutely insane without the internet and my cell phone**

**Oh, and I'm a total text-addict**

Happiness

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

I found this quote earlier and have been thinking about it for most of the day.  The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

Well, let me tell ya, there's not a lot of freedom in this heart, unfortunately.  There are so many things that I'm angry, bitter, upset, or whatever over.  So many things I need to let go of.  

1.  All of the bitterness, resentment, and anger I've held onto because of Eric leaving in November 2009.  That was the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life.  Plus, all of the drama that Nicole (the "other woman") brought into the situation.  

2. My still struggling marriage.  Eric and I have more bad days than good.  He has such a horrible temper and a lot of times has a "tone" when he speaks to you.  That upsets me and when I tell him he has a tone or whatnot, he freaks out and we start fighting.  During our fights he's quick to let me know that everything that is wrong with our marriage is my fault.  At that point I'm just about ready to leave.  

3. Logan.  Logan is the source of so much of my stress.  He absolutely will *NOT* listen to anything.  He hits, yells, throws fits, etc.  It's exhausting and overwhelming to deal with on some days.  I don't really know what to do to help him and to make it better.  

4. Eric's family.  Enough said.  If you know me well enough, you know our history with them. 

But anyway....

I can only be as happy as I decide to be.  And I don't want to be miserable anymore.

I've never been much of a prayer but I want to start working on that and praying more often.  I need help to deal with these issues and I think God's the only one that can.  

Marriage Class

My marriage has hit an all-time low.  I was literally about to pack up myself and the kids and leave.  Then I found out from my best friend Abby that she was going to start going to a marriage class with her husband.  I asked her for some info and found out that even though we had missed the first class, Eric and I would be able to attend the next class if we wanted to.  

We'll be attending our second class tomorrow night.  The first night was great, but pretty emotional.  We watched a DVD about this one couple's struggle with their marriage and I swear it might as well have been Eric and I on there instead.  It hit really close to home and opened my eyes to a lot. 

Eric and I have had a couple pretty bad days since that first class but I know we need to just keep on trying.  This isn't going to be a quick fix.  I can get sooo discouraged though.  I feel so hurt by some of the things he says when we get into an argument.  It's like I just shut down and give up completely.  

I have cleared my head though and I am NOT ready to give up.  Not without a fight, at least.  

I've bought the books "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman in the hopes that something in them will help, too.  

This is a very trying time and I'm going to need all the encouragement I can get.  If you wouldn't mind, please keep Eric and I in your prayers.  

Starting Over

I haven't really been myself in a long time.  The end of last year was horrible for me and the majority of this year hasn't been that great either.  I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize this, but I have turned into a mean, angry, bitter, miserable person.  That's not who I am, but past events have changed me.  I don't want to be like this anymore.  I know, though, that the only way I'm going to get my true self back, is to let go of all of my anger and bitterness.  I can't imagine how hard it's going to be though.

Last November, my husband left me and our two sons.  We had been having problems for a while and that night, on November 3rd, he told me he'd finally had enough.  Eric had Nicole (a coworker, who was the cause of most of our fights) to come and pick him up.  He stayed with some male coworkers for about a week and then he moved back into his parents house.  Not long after that I found out that Eric and Nicole were "dating".  He would come over to visit the boys and I'd see hickeys on his neck.  Nicole caused countless problems for Eric and I during our separation.  When Eric's family and I were able to make her back off though, things were civil between me and Eric finally.  

On January 3rd, 2010 Eric realized what a huge mistake he was making.  We talked for a while and decided to reconcile.  Nicole continued to cause problems for us though.  We weren't able to finally get rid of her for another month or so.  Needless to say, that definitely put a strain on our relationship.  In March, Eric lost his job at Hardee's.  That was another blow.  He was able to find a part time job in April that barely got our bills paid.  Prayers were answered in May though when he got an assistant manager position at Burger King, making much more than he did at Hardee's.

Even though things were starting to finally look up for us, I was still holding onto the anger and the hurt of last year.  I find it really hard to trust Eric now, which doesn't help.  I'm not sure if I will ever trust him 100% again, but I know I need to work on trusting him more than I do now or things are never going to work out.  

Another source of anger and bitterness for me is Eric's family.  They have, for the past 6 years, done nothing but hurt us time after time after time.  I think we have both finally had enough and are ready to cut all ties to them.  I think we'll all be better off if things are like this.  I never wanted my children to be estranged from their grandparents, but the relationship is just too toxic and I really believe this is the better way to go.

So, starting now, I'm going to work on forgiving the things I need to forgive, letting go of my anger and bitterness, and becoming the person I used to be.  

This is my new beginning.