Trip to DC

Well as most of you all know, Eric and I were going to go on a trip to DC for a Postcrossing meet-up.  We left early Friday morning.  The drive up there went really well.  We didn't get lost!  haha.  We got to the hotel at about 4:30.  As we were going through the check-in process, the clerk informed us that because we were paying with a debit card, the hotel was going to charge us a $50-$80 (apparently the computer chooses a random amount) deposit, which would be refunded when we leave.  I've never heard of anyone doing that, but whatever.  The problem was, we had enough on our debit card to cover the hotel stay, plus a little extra.  So I was afraid we would overdraft.  But he ran our card and it went through, so I didn't think anything else about it. 

We had about an hour to spare before we had to leave the hotel to meet up with everyone else for dinner, so Eric and I just hung out in our room.  At 5:30 we went downstairs to take the hotel shuttle.  The shuttle was supposed to take us to the airport, where we were supposed to pick up the metro to Union Station.  Well, we got on the shuttle and it lets us off somewhere in the middle of DC!!!  I was like, um....where's the airport?  Nowhere to be seen!  So I start freaking out.  But the metro was close to where we left off so we were just going to pick it up there instead of at the airport.  We go downstairs and figure out how much we need for fare, etc.  Then we have to find out which train is ours.  We needed the red line train.  But all we could see were blue and yellow.  I was like, oh...my...god.  Eric was walking all over the place trying to figure out where we needed to be.  Nobody would help us.  My back issue decided to kick in right then so I'm in a horrible amount of pain.  I started to have a panic attack.  Pretty bad.  I was in tears and told Eric I just wanted to go back to the hotel.  We took the escalators upstairs that led to the outside area where we started out. 

I called Hilarie, the girl who organized the event, and told her we wouldn't make it to dinner because we didn't know where to go to get on the right train.  She asked where we were and apparently she was only a couple stations away, so she got on the metro and came and got us. 

Because the shuttle had dropped us off at the wrong spot, we had to take the yellow train for a while then transfer over to the red train.  Grrrrr. 

We were late, but we finally made it to the restaurant.  It took forever for the waitress to finally come over and take our order.  The food took forever to come out.  The prices were OUTRAGEOUS.  I basically had a $10 turkey sandwich that wasn't even that good.  We had to flag the waitress down to get a refill for my drink.  Eric never did get a refill.  Eric said it was a good thing for the waitress that the tip was included because of the size of our party, because she would not have gotten a tip otherwise. 
We spent the dinner in silence for the most part, because nobody else was speaking to us.  That made me feel really awkward.  I drove 7 hours to meet these people.  The least they could do is talk to us! 

So at that point I was really fed up.  I was emotionally exhausted from thinking we were trapped somewhere where we didn't know where we were and then I had to pay an insane amount of food that wasn't even good.  So we decided to leave the group and just go back to the hotel.  We decided to take a taxi so we wouldn't have to deal with that metro crap again.  Taxis were flying by left and right but none of them would stop for us.  Hilarie had said before we left that if we needed help, to let her know.  So I called her and told her we were having trouble getting a cab.  She came outside to where we were and said, "Oh, it looks like there are some over there (and then pointed), but I'm not sure."  Uh...yeah...that was a lot of help.  So I started to freak out again.  We walked for a really long time and finally found a place where a "taxi line-up" was.  We got into the line of people and waited on our taxi. 

Friday's events had been so stressful, scary, and disappointing that I decided that I just wanted to come home.  Eric wasn't that happy about it, but he agreed.  We would be missing out on all of the next day's events but at that point I really didn't care.


The next morning, after getting some rest, I saw the view from our hotel.  I could see the Air Force Memorial in the background.  That's when it really hit me that all of the stuff we came up here to see, we'd be missing out on if we went home.  And I didn't want to do that.  So I woke Eric up and told him to get ready, that we'd go sight-seeing on our own.  We could take a taxi everywhere, right? ;) 
After the way we were treated, I just really wasn't in the mood to do things with the group. 
So Eric took our luggage out to the car and I checked us out of the hotel.  We were going to do some sight seeing and then head back home. 

We took a taxi to the Washington Monument.  That was pretty cool to see.  I was surprised at the number of people there.  After that, we were going to take a taxi to the Ford's Theater.  Because we had such a hard time getting a taxi to pick us up Friday night, I put some numbers to taxi services in my phone so we could just call one to come get us.  Eric made the call, told them where we were, and the guy said it would be 15 minutes.  Thirty minutes later, we were still waiting.  My anxiety started to rise again.  These two ladies that walked by could see I was upset and asked me what was wrong.  I told her we had called for a taxi, but that it still hadn't come, so they helped us flag one down.  I was *SO* thankful.  That was a nice change from Friday night's events for sure.  So we taxi'd over to Ford's Theater.  It's on the same street as a bunch of souvenir shops, so we stopped in some of those.  We saw a few other things, then took a taxi back to the hotel so we could get our car and start the journey home.

Saturday turned out to be a pretty good day, other than our taxi mishap, so I guess that made up for how badly Friday went :) 

Am I Ready?

In a couple weeks, Eric and I will be headed for a weekend trip to DC.  I am so excited.  I have never really had the chance to travel very much, and I know it's not very far, but I'm glad I'm finally able to "go somewhere". 

This will be mine and Eric's first alone trip since our honeymoon almost 6 years ago.  It's kind of funny how this all came about.

Most of you probably know that I collect postcards and trade with people on a couple different forums.  The main one I go to is Postcrossing (www.postcrossing.com).  Postcrossing itself has it's own sub-forum (http://forum.postcrossing.com) which is where a lot of my trade cards come from.  But anyway.  There is a section on the site for Meet-Ups!  I always thought that was pretty cool.  A meet-up is basically where postcrossers from a certain area designate a time and a place to meet.  Everyone usually brings postcards for everyone to sign, and then send off to their friends.  So if you're one of the "chosen ones", you get a postcard with everyone's signature from the meeting.  They also do regular touristy, sightseeing things as well. 

Usually these meet-ups are in another country or in a part of the US I'd probably not have the chance to travel to (usually because of distance) like Washington, California, etc.  I noticed a couple months ago though that one of my friends in Virginia was organizing a meet-up for DC.  That's do-able!  I really wanted to go.  I'm not really good with driving places that I've never been though, so I'd have to have someone else come with me to drive.  That's where Eric came in.  I knew he'd want to go, anyway.  So I talked it over with him and he gave me the go ahead to sign up. 

I had originally planned to take the boys with us.  I figured while I was doing my "postcard stuff", Eric could stay in the hotel with the boys.  Then when it was time to tour and site-see, they could come along.  But then I got to thinking about it.  No one else was going to have their children with them.  Did I really want to tour DC with an extremely moody and tantrum throwing toddler?  No way!  I didn't figure they would have very much fun anyway.  So I asked my mom if she would keep the boys so Eric and I could go.  I was expecting her to say no.  But she surprised me and agreed! 

I've been excited about this trip for a while now, but now that it's getting closer, I'm getting nervous.  I have never left the kids for that long.  Logan has spent the night with my mom once.  Chris wanted to spend the night with her, and I let him, but he ended up wanting to come home.  So me being gone for two and a half days is a pretty big deal.  I don't know if I have it in me to leave them for that long, haha. 

Even if I am able to do it, I have a thousand questions running through my head, being the dramatic person and worrier that I am ;)
Will they think I have abandoned them?  Will they think I don't love them anymore?  What if they act crazy and give my mom a hard time? 

I guess I just need to put it in God's hands and trust that everything will be okay :) 

All By Myself

There are times when I feel so alone.  It's overwhelming feeling like I have no where to go or no one to turn to. 

Chris is developmentally delayed.  He is going to be starting kindergarden in the fall and I am just absolutely terrified.  I am so afraid that he is not going to be ready and he's going to get picked on.  He doesn't know his ABC's, can only count to 13, doesn't recognize any letters or know what sounds they make. 
I guess it doesn't help that what they USED to *teach* you in kindergarden, they expect the kids to already know, plus some!  It's just ridiculous. 

The preschool Chris is at now just isn't doing him any good at all.  I'm trying to work with him at home, but for some reason, he just freezes up and acts like he doesn't know what we're working on, even though I've seen or heard him do it before.  It makes me absolutely insane!  I don't know why he does that.  I haven't seen him do that with anyone else.  It's just so frustrating, because I'm trying to help him, and he won't let me. 

I can't really talk to others about what I'm going through because nobody understands :(  Everyone elses child is where they need to be or is way advanced.  It just kills me. 

I want Chris to be able to do what everyone elses children can do.  That may sound horrible, but I don't want him to struggle.  It just seems to come so easily for everyone elses child, with 2 and 3 year olds that can already read. 

I just feel so alone and don't want to do this by myself :( 

Gotta Have It!

This is sort of a spin-off of my last post, So Over-rated.


Here is a list of things that I absolutely totally love, where others might not.


1.  Reality TV.  I'm such a sucker.  I LOVE Biggest Loser, Teen Mom, The Amazing Race, American Idol, Dancing/Skating With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, and some others. 


2.  Soap Operas.  Well, really Soap Opera in my case.  I'm not one of those that watches them from morning until afternoon ;)  But I absolutely love General Hospital.  I didn't even know it existed until Eric's mother introduced it to me, but I've been hooked ever since.  <3  Never miss a day! 


3.  My collections.  A couple years ago a friend got me to join a website where you can join all kinds of swaps.  One of the first ones I noticed was a postcard swap.  It sounded interesting, so I joined.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been hooked ever since ;)  See a pattern here?  haha.  But really though, I love it.  Getting postcards allows me to see places that I might never get to see otherwise.  Who knows when/if we'll have money to travel the world.  So why not travel through postcards in the meantime?  I've now expanded into souvenirs (especially magnets - my fridge is covered!) and foreign coins. 


4.  Soda.  I've heard of people going so far as to not even allow soda to enter their house, but I gotta have it!  I am addicted to Pepsi.  I know it's bad for me but I just can't quit drinking it.  Hey, there are worse things to be addicted to, right?  ;) 


Speaking of addicting things, that brings me to


5.  Facebook.  Oh..my..gosh, what in the world happened to me?  I used to be a total myspace freak.  But then everyone left and joined facebook.  So I thought, why not?  Let's see what all the hype is about.  Ahhh!!!  Now I'm on there several times a day.  I check it from my phone.  It's ridiculous, LOL.  But I can't stay away from it :P

So over-rated

A few of my friends have done this so I thought I'd follow :)

Here is my list of over-rated things.  Others love 'em.  I just don't see the big deal.


1.  Starbucks.  I just don't get it.  At all.  But maybe that's just because I can't stand coffee?  ;)

2.  Justin Bieber.  Seriously?  That's all I have to say about that.  :)

3.  Big fancy cars.  Again, seriously?  I see 2010 or 2011 something something xyz123's all over the place.  I'm perfectly happy with my 1998 Ford Windstar.  As long as it gets me from A to B, I don't really care about anything else. 

4.  Expensive children's clothing.  What the heck is the point?!  Someone *please* tell me.  They are only going to wear them for what, a couple months?  Why not buy from Wal-Mart or a consignment store and use the money you'll be saving on something else?  :) 

5.  Blu-Ray.  I'm perfectly happy with my regular DVD's and VHS tapes, thank you :)  Although with the way technology is, everything will probably be blu-ray eventually anyway :-/ 

That's all I can think of right now, but if I come up with any more I'll come back and edit

The friendship that can cease has never been real

I really like that quote.  It is so true. 

If someone is your friend, they will be your friend and be there for you no.matter.what!  They won't end their friendship with you over something absolutely stupid. 

I have seen so much childish, needs-to-go-back-to-middle-school drama lately that it literally makes me sick. 

Some people really just need to grow up and act their age. 

:)

That is all.

My Dirty Little Secrets

A friend of mine did this and I thought it looked pretty fun, so I thought I'd give it a whirl also!

Here is a list of my "dirty little secrets"  ;)

**I have a major addiction to collecting postcards, souvenir fridge magnets, and foreign coins**

**I sometimes give in to Logan just so I won't have to listen to him pitch a fit**

**I have a major crush on Patrick Dempsey ;)**

**My kids cannot stand water and I don't make them drink it most of the time**

**I cry like a baby during kids movies**

**Every once in a while I look up *NSync and Backstreet Boys songs and re-live my teen years**

**The only concerts I have ever been to were *NSync and Backstreet Boys when I was a teenager** 

**I usually do a "quick clean" of the house when we have people coming over:  quick sweep of the floors, wash dishes, and go hide any extra clutter in my room LOL**

**I've never seen some pretty popular movies, like Dirty Dancing**

**I love watching reality shows and the soap General Hospital**

**My money has to be facing a certain way.  If it's not, it bothers me until I fix it**

**I would go absolutely insane without the internet and my cell phone**

**Oh, and I'm a total text-addict**

Happiness

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

I found this quote earlier and have been thinking about it for most of the day.  The amount of happiness you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.

Well, let me tell ya, there's not a lot of freedom in this heart, unfortunately.  There are so many things that I'm angry, bitter, upset, or whatever over.  So many things I need to let go of.  

1.  All of the bitterness, resentment, and anger I've held onto because of Eric leaving in November 2009.  That was the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life.  Plus, all of the drama that Nicole (the "other woman") brought into the situation.  

2. My still struggling marriage.  Eric and I have more bad days than good.  He has such a horrible temper and a lot of times has a "tone" when he speaks to you.  That upsets me and when I tell him he has a tone or whatnot, he freaks out and we start fighting.  During our fights he's quick to let me know that everything that is wrong with our marriage is my fault.  At that point I'm just about ready to leave.  

3. Logan.  Logan is the source of so much of my stress.  He absolutely will *NOT* listen to anything.  He hits, yells, throws fits, etc.  It's exhausting and overwhelming to deal with on some days.  I don't really know what to do to help him and to make it better.  

4. Eric's family.  Enough said.  If you know me well enough, you know our history with them. 

But anyway....

I can only be as happy as I decide to be.  And I don't want to be miserable anymore.

I've never been much of a prayer but I want to start working on that and praying more often.  I need help to deal with these issues and I think God's the only one that can.  

Marriage Class

My marriage has hit an all-time low.  I was literally about to pack up myself and the kids and leave.  Then I found out from my best friend Abby that she was going to start going to a marriage class with her husband.  I asked her for some info and found out that even though we had missed the first class, Eric and I would be able to attend the next class if we wanted to.  

We'll be attending our second class tomorrow night.  The first night was great, but pretty emotional.  We watched a DVD about this one couple's struggle with their marriage and I swear it might as well have been Eric and I on there instead.  It hit really close to home and opened my eyes to a lot. 

Eric and I have had a couple pretty bad days since that first class but I know we need to just keep on trying.  This isn't going to be a quick fix.  I can get sooo discouraged though.  I feel so hurt by some of the things he says when we get into an argument.  It's like I just shut down and give up completely.  

I have cleared my head though and I am NOT ready to give up.  Not without a fight, at least.  

I've bought the books "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian and "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman in the hopes that something in them will help, too.  

This is a very trying time and I'm going to need all the encouragement I can get.  If you wouldn't mind, please keep Eric and I in your prayers.  

Starting Over

I haven't really been myself in a long time.  The end of last year was horrible for me and the majority of this year hasn't been that great either.  I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize this, but I have turned into a mean, angry, bitter, miserable person.  That's not who I am, but past events have changed me.  I don't want to be like this anymore.  I know, though, that the only way I'm going to get my true self back, is to let go of all of my anger and bitterness.  I can't imagine how hard it's going to be though.

Last November, my husband left me and our two sons.  We had been having problems for a while and that night, on November 3rd, he told me he'd finally had enough.  Eric had Nicole (a coworker, who was the cause of most of our fights) to come and pick him up.  He stayed with some male coworkers for about a week and then he moved back into his parents house.  Not long after that I found out that Eric and Nicole were "dating".  He would come over to visit the boys and I'd see hickeys on his neck.  Nicole caused countless problems for Eric and I during our separation.  When Eric's family and I were able to make her back off though, things were civil between me and Eric finally.  

On January 3rd, 2010 Eric realized what a huge mistake he was making.  We talked for a while and decided to reconcile.  Nicole continued to cause problems for us though.  We weren't able to finally get rid of her for another month or so.  Needless to say, that definitely put a strain on our relationship.  In March, Eric lost his job at Hardee's.  That was another blow.  He was able to find a part time job in April that barely got our bills paid.  Prayers were answered in May though when he got an assistant manager position at Burger King, making much more than he did at Hardee's.

Even though things were starting to finally look up for us, I was still holding onto the anger and the hurt of last year.  I find it really hard to trust Eric now, which doesn't help.  I'm not sure if I will ever trust him 100% again, but I know I need to work on trusting him more than I do now or things are never going to work out.  

Another source of anger and bitterness for me is Eric's family.  They have, for the past 6 years, done nothing but hurt us time after time after time.  I think we have both finally had enough and are ready to cut all ties to them.  I think we'll all be better off if things are like this.  I never wanted my children to be estranged from their grandparents, but the relationship is just too toxic and I really believe this is the better way to go.

So, starting now, I'm going to work on forgiving the things I need to forgive, letting go of my anger and bitterness, and becoming the person I used to be.  

This is my new beginning.